So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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