I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
