I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
