She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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