My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
