You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize