we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
