i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
