Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
