I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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