so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
