I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
