Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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