the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
