Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
