i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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