i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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