The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
