It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
