This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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