I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
