i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
