Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
