She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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