I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
