butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
