These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
