He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
