I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
