fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How does one acquire holy water?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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