i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
