We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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