he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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