Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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