i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
