If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
