As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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