Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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