I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize