we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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