I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
