Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My feet surprised me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
