You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
