i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize