what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
