I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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