arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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