Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
