my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
50% drunk capacity currently
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
