you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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