My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
