Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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