Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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