your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
