Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
