She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
