also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
not ubering you a puppy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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