So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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