His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
