your parents love me but you hate me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are the jesus of drinking
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
