Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
