everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
