Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
