You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
