You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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