So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
