I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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