my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
