Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
