Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
