my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
