Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
