you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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