AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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